i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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