what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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