why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
