My first STD was from a foam party
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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