You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
