Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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