Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
