I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
