So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
