Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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