dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
