I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
