Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
