i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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