Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
