i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
