Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
