Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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