I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
