I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
