Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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