i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
