I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
