I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
