Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
