Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
