we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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