Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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