sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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