i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
