in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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