I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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