my mouth tastes like poor choices
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
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When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
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I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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