i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
