It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
