Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
