she was so not down for the gang bang
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
