i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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