Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
