I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
