i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
