one two three fourrrrnication!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
