I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
