The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
