it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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