toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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