On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Bring me that man meat
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
