Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
