I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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