my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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