i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
