woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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