The maid of honor just puked.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
