Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Let's get the cat blown out
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
