cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
