if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
