can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it was like eating out sand paper
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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