i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
