I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
