a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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