I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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