apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize