He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
