I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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