I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
