.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
