it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
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That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
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I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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