have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize