I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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