The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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