i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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